I…have…to…say–THIS

I have to say this. I am confused.

I am utterly confused. I am unbalanced and thrown.

I feel like I should be rash–but,  maybe not.

I could call it off. I could draw deeper and harder lines.

I could…I could…I could do so many things other than this.

Other than feeling so confused.

I could calm down for one thing.

I could regain my balance for another.

I could stand my ground.

I could be braver without any regrets.

I could do this without compromising my self.

My esteem. I could do this without compromising–my esteem.

I could…I could…I could cry.

I don’t know why I feel like this. I am confronted by an abyss which shouldn’t fascinate me at all. I should be afraid–and I am. I should respect that fear. That feeling that something is wrong. Something is off about this whole thing. I should respect my instincts to shun and to turn away. I should. I should. I really want to. But, I fear the loneliness of being right. Isn’t that an interesting way to feel? The loneliness of being right. Its terrible to know the worst but hope for the best. The regret is…immobilizing. 

I could…I should…I would. I would take this confused frustration of mine and break it in half so that I could analyze and take power over it. I would look closely at how its probably really nothing. I would recognize it for cheap and childish manipulations–this imbalance– and then I would show it the wisdom of the ages and simply let it go. I could do that. I would do that. I should do just that. I hope I can do JUST THAT.

Advertisements

About solfyre

I am a first-generation American born to Panamaian parents who immigrated to the U.S. some 46 years ago. They arrived during the turbulent 60's era, one of America's remarkable periods of social and civil growth and change. Although, I was born more than 10 years later, the effects of that era have served to shape the perceptions I have of America and it's peoples. Those most important lessons of that time and of times before have been imparted to me with some intensity during my young years, along with many other lessons, of course. It is these lessons that have given me the awareness to navigate through our world with my eyes wide open--never forgetting the efforts of all my ancestors, black, white, red and perhaps even yellow. To them I owe my strength and to them I have dedicated my life because without them I am truly, NOTHING. Growing up in a multi-generational, Hispanic household peppered with cross-cultural spiritual and social influences has made me an interesting individual to say the least. As a result, I have this tendency to think that the whole world is my neighborhood and that all people are my neighbors--some just happen to live VERY far away. I have not changed my mind or my heart about that. I call myself a self-styled techno-curious,"couch warrior", employing all of my technological tools to my advantage. I strongly believe that every effort is a beautiful one and any effort can tip the balance of power one way or the other. So, do not make light of the importance of a pebble just because you have the ability to throw boulders. In short, we all do what we can. I like to learn new things and expand my mental, emotional and spiritual horizons. I do filter information with some discrimination because I will not fill my heart and mind with junk. This has never served me well and I do NOT intend to change that either. Yet still, I have to be open to receive and receive I will. I have a young teenage son and I usually enjoy doing things with him on the computer and the XBOX such as RPGs, fighting games and racing games. We love museums, movies and Anime. I love art, dancing and music. The list could go on but who has all this time to read about my family's side line activities? I am still a student, inside and outside the classroom. I do believe that if we try hard enough we can learn anything from anywhere so, in that respect I stay on the grind. I look forward to having readers and to discovering other readers as well. Its an adventure even if its a cyber one and has its place in our gadget driven world. I thank you for stopping by and let's hope I can keep things somewhat interesting.

Posted on December 17, 2013, in Poetry & Other Writings and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

ultimatemindsettoday

A great WordPress.com site

Discover

A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

ultimatemindsettoday

A great WordPress.com site

Beautiful Life with Cancer

Discovering the Gift

Babble🌼On

Finding Inspiration

A.D. Martin

writing - novels - film - television - video games - other stuff

jumiss

jumiss ebay

The Geographist

Geography, Now.

Redline: Live to Drive!

To share my passion of motorsports to all my readers! To get people of all ages and income levels into the absolute best vehicle possible for their specific needs and to make driving enjoyable every single day!

Art by Ken

The works and artistic visions of Ken Knieling.

joeseeberblog

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

The Gypsea Chronicles

Two adventure-loving, tree-hugging, thalassophiles on finding love, and starting a life on the road, by the sea or in the big cities.

The Chick and the Dead

Death, Sex and everything in between

Daily (w)rite

A DAILY RITUAL OF WRITING

Human Understanding Group

CHANGE WHAT MATTERS MOST

Armitage Agonistes

A Foray into the Fandom of Richard Armitage

Indiĝenaj Inteligenteco

A Fourth World Intelligence Newsblog

Rebecca Gibson

British Erotic Romance Author

%d bloggers like this: